


Lips and Rings

by berryboys



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, M/M, Piercings, but he's in denial, johnny is gone for renjun that's the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23937085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berryboys/pseuds/berryboys
Summary: Johnny’s demise starts with a very specific, particular event:Renjun gets a nose ring.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 58
Kudos: 501





	Lips and Rings

**Author's Note:**

> uhm hello??? this is just a cute? quick fic that i wrote to rest before going into another angsty fic :D  
> hope you enjoy!!

Johnny’s demise starts with a very specific, particular event:

Renjun gets a nose ring.

“What is that?” Johnny sputters without thinking twice, his stare fixed on Renjun like he’s a ghost that has just walked through the door of his apartment.

Renjun seems confused, and though that usually would give him an aura of innocence, today Johnny only sees this little evil trap that he’s displaying for him. Besides the piercing, there aren’t any other changes in him, but god, that is _enough_. He’s wearing one of his plain sweaters, dark jeans and he has styled his hair down. It’s the same Renjun, except because he has a nose silver ring on that pretty, delicate nose that Johnny hadn’t given much attention until now, and it feels like Johnny is watching all his values and ethics crumble down in front of him.

Wordless, Johnny swallows down the knot in his throat. Renjun isn’t supposed to look this good with a piercing. He’s supposed to stay on his _good boy_ shoes, making puppy eyes at him when he doesn’t understand Johnny’s economy lessons and looking like he has come out from a government’s inoffensive campaign about how bad drunk driving is.

“What, this?” Renjun asks him, slipping on the seat in front of him; his smile, unwavering, enchanting. He taps his nose ring, eyes wide as though he doubts Johnny is referring to that, until Johnny gives him a curt nod. His smile widens as he explains, “A piercing, hyung.”

This is _embarrassing_.

Johnny is quite a transparent person in general, which is a good thing to connect with people and gain their trust, but it’s terrible right now. His heart is bombing so much blood that he could run a marathon around the campus, and he stares at Renjun for too long, with too much intensity – and he’s pretty sure that his feelings are plastered all over his face. Feelings? He means _shock_. Shock and disapproval, definitely not awe and veneration and the strange feeling that he’s never going to get used to that damn piercing.

But if Renjun notices his odd, shameful behavior, he has enough respect towards him not to tease him. Johnny has a few seconds to breathe while Renjun opens his bag and pulls out his notes, perfectly categorized in folders of different colors. He has always felt a tinge of jealousy because Renjun, on his first year of university, seems to have his whole life under control. On the other hand, Johnny is a mess with no order or sense, and he’d love to say that it’s because he’s a senior and the last year is the worst, but the truth is that he never resembled Renjun in that aspect.

“Don’t kill me, okay? But I didn’t study this weekend, so I’m pretty behind on this week’s work,” Renjun confesses with a sigh. He flickers his eyes up, and since Johnny is still processing the image of Renjun with a nose ring, Renjun misinterprets his expression as frustration. “You can totally kick my ass if you want to.”

Johnny lets out an awkward laugh, shaking his head. It’s always hard to scold Renjun, though that’s rarely necessary, but it’s even harder now. Johnny is flushed from head to toe, flushed in _dangerous places_ , and he swears he can’t even utter a bad word towards Renjun. He doubts he can even utter an actual word and not just a high-pitched noise.

“What did you do then?” Johnny manages to mutter, his voice strained by all the nervousness closing around his throat.

Renjun sheepishly scratches the back of his hair, tilts his head like he’s considering his answer.

“Donghyuck dragged me to this party, it wasn’t that important,” he explains. One party shouldn’t have stopped him from studying, though, so what Renjun is confessing is that he got shit faced and was useless for the next whole day. “I couldn’t say no, I owed him a favor.”

But Johnny catches his salvation there: Lee Donghyuck.

Getting a piercing was probably his idea, right? He has never been a good influence, not even for older students like Johnny. His persuading power is infamous, and if he could get into Jaehyun’s pants in just one night, what couldn’t he convince Renjun of? Renjun isn’t the type to do all this – whatever that is. Getting piercings, going to parties with a terrible boy and getting too drunk for his own good while he’s behind on his lessons.

Trying not to sound like he hates Donghyuck’s guts – he doesn’t, really, it’s just that he doesn’t want him to tarnish his precious Renjun – Johnny jokes, “Lesson one is that you must never put yourself in a position where you’d owe Lee Donghyuck a favor.”

Renjun smiles at him with a row of perfectly cute teeth. His little dimple is there, too, and fuck, is it just him or the nose ring just makes his angelic features stand out? Johnny promises that doesn’t make his knees weak, but it’s a smile he doesn’t recognize coming from Renjun. It’s not just nice, but slightly mocking, amused, as though Johnny is missing the vital piece of the puzzle to understand who the guy in front of him is.

Maybe he is.

Then Renjun assures him, “I think it’s the other way around, actually.”

Johnny doesn’t have the chance to interrogate him, since Renjun looks over his notes and hands him the parts he’s having trouble with. It’s difficult to focus on tutoring Renjun with the deep unsettling sensation that appears in his stomach, but Johnny gets _paid_ for this. He insisted that Renjun didn’t need to pay, but back then they were practically strangers, and it would have been impolite for Renjun to accept free lesson.

It’s Renjun’s money, and Johnny doesn’t have any right to ask about his personal life right now. Besides, he might live a calmer life not knowing why a guy like Donghyuck would owe favors to a guy like Renjun.

Maybe Renjun showing up with a nose ring isn’t the beginning of Johnny’s demise.

Maybe his demise fell upon him a lot earlier, when he was just an unsuspecting senior with too many connections and too many – bad – experiences not to want to help new, pitiful students.

Maybe it started when Sicheng, who was abroad for his sophomore year, messaged him to ask if Johnny could keep an eye on his cousin. Johnny should have come up with an excuse. He had reasons to: his thesis, the two added subjects that he didn’t take in the previous years and that are now tormenting him, and his stupid, unnecessary will to survive the year.

Sicheng didn’t mention that his cousin was that pretty, though, so when Johnny stalked his social profiles, Renjun’s heavenly face and apparently exemplary life deluded him. He wasn’t that bad of a person to abandon a good student that was just having a hard time with his first year of university.

“It’s not just about the tutoring,” Sicheng told him later over the phone, once Johnny had already accepted. “Can you check that he doesn’t get into trouble? I don’t know how to put this but-”

“But?”

“He tends to get a bit crazy if there’s no supervision around, you know?” Sicheng said, wary, as though his choice of words could scare Johnny away. He sounded a bit desperate, and Johnny could relate to that, to wanting his family to be safe at all costs. “And it’s his first year far away from home, so I’m worried he’ll lose focus of the important things.”

Like a fool, Johnny had found that to be quite _endearing_.

And now that he’s familiar with Renjun, he can confirm that he needs the economy lessons, but for sure he doesn’t need a helping hand when it comes to his social life, to bureaucracy or to crushing Johnny’s decency.

Johnny doesn’t tell Sicheng about it, of course. He feels guilty for promising that he’d watch over Renjun in the first place, not just to be his life vest in times of danger, but also to make sure that he didn’t sleep around and that he went too wild with the parties. Sicheng doesn’t have to know that Johnny isn’t being faithful to his words, and Johnny doesn’t want to cross those personal lines. He’s sure that Renjun is pretty tame anyway, with the exception of being friends with Donghyuck, and Johnny can’t imagine him getting into fights or waking up hungover in a different city after a wild night.

The boy is harmless. That, and Johnny doesn’t intend to attend freshmen’s parties.

“It’s not the piercing,” Ten claims when Johnny mentions the _Incident_ , trying to save as much pride as he can. Trying not to sound like all of a sudden his life revolves around a piece of metal in Renjun’s pretty nose. “You’re a fool.”

Ten rolls over his bed, casting a glance at Jaehyun, who is on the other bed with his headphones on. Johnny knows that he’s listening to their conversation, though, because otherwise he would be singing under his breath like he always does. But Johnny doesn’t mind; at this point, he has cried so many times about boys – not that this is a _boy problem_ , don’t mistake him – that both Ten and Jaehyun are unfazed at his pathetic antics.

Johnny slumps deeper into Ten’s bed, wishing he could just fuse with the sheets and disappear from the human plane. Being a soft bed sounds like a good idea if that means he doesn’t have to face Renjun with his new shiny ring, and his equally shiny eyes, and-

“Do you pop a boner every time I get a new piercing?” Ten continues, eyebrows raised with solemnity, and for emphasis, he plays with the five piercings latched on his left ear. Johnny pulls a disgusted face at the thought of boning Ten, not because he’s unattractive, but because it’s Ten. He doesn’t even have any relevant opinion on piercings, and less if Ten is involved. “Don’t answer. I know you don’t. The thing is, it’s not the piercing. It’s the fat crush you’ve had on Renjun since the moment he crossed your dorm’s door.”

“How romantic,” Jaehyun sing-songs, a smirk flashing on his face.

“Don’t you dare, Jaehyun,” Johnny warns him. He lifts his index finger to threaten him, but Jaehyun doesn’t relent, aware that Johnny would never put his hands on him. Jaehyun gets away with all his teasing, and maybe Johnny should have educated him better – not that Jaehyun can be domesticated, though. “You pressured me so that I’d help Sicheng, and if you hadn’t-”

“You’d be a lot sadder now,” Jaehyun finishes for him, no trace of guilt in his semblance. Jaehyun has always had a crush on Sicheng, since the first time Sicheng laughed at his flirting attempts during a party on their first year, and to his friends’ disgrace, that means that Jaehyun always ropes them into their business. _Anything for Sicheng_ would be his life motto, so by extension it’s Ten and Johnny’s motto as well. “Renjun is the most interesting thing you do every week, and you’re not even doing _him_.”

That hurts a bit, but just because it’s true. University work has naturally absorbed Johnny, so he doesn’t have a lot of time for them. Most of their plans with Johnny have become study dates, library dates, or quick cafeteria meals. It’s a miracle that Johnny still has time for Renjun, or that he forces himself to have it, but neither Ten nor Jaehyun have reproached that. They know that a pretty boy can sometimes blind their reasoning.

“Don’t speak like that,” is all Johnny can answer, too frustrated and confused to fight.

There must be an alarming hint on his expression, because Ten sits up and sets a hand on his shoulder, so softly that it gives his intentions away. Ten should be making fun of him, just like Jaehyun, because that’s what they always do. But he isn’t, which translates into _this is serious, dude_.

“Johnny,” Ten says, careful. He squeezes Johnny’s shoulder, like he understands what he’s going through, and adds, “First, take a deep breath. I’m going to tell you something very important.”

That doesn’t sound right. But Johnny has nowhere to go, no one else he can reveal this secret to, and Ten and Jaehyun are his best friends. There’s no escape.

“Okay, what is it?”

Ten’s eyes are blank, an attempt at neutrality that makes Johnny shiver. “Renjun is hot.”

Johnny fells all his blood drain away from his face. His brain short-circuits, because well, Renjun is _attractive_ , but hot is a very strong word to describe him. It means fuckable. Ten thinks Renjun is fuckable.

“Really hot,” Jaehyun supplies, wiggling his eyebrows at Johnny without shame.

“Jaehyun, can you let _me_ do this?” Ten whines, his patience on the limit. He faces Johnny again with a placid expression that doesn’t seem so sincere after the glare he has thrown at Jaehyun, and continues, “The point is that Renjun is hot, Johnny, you don’t have to be ashamed for liking him.”

There’s too much to process, so Johnny’s tongue entangles in itself.

“I’m not as-” he begins, and one second later he realizes what he’s about to admit. “And I don’t like him? I just think he looks pretty good with that piercing and-”

The grumble that Jaehyun lets out cuts him off. Startled, Johnny glances at him just to find out that he’s rolling his eyes, finally taking his headphones off to argue with total freedom.

“Renjun turns heads, dude.” Jaehyun presses his lips into a line, pensive, and that’s how Johnny knows that he’s about to drop a bomb. If Jaehyun _thinks_ , then it’s bad. “If you say right now that you don’t like him that way, then I’m going to shoot my shot. And trust me, Sicheng has been gone for months, I have _a lot_ of wonderful shots.”

Perhaps it’s a trap, but god, if it is, it works wonders.

Johnny feels physically sick as soon as those words leave Jaehyun’s mouth, and there are many reasons for that. First, he knows that Jaehyun isn’t joking. It wouldn’t be the first friend’s crush Jaehyun bangs just because said friend refused to admit their feelings (“I’m not going to pass a chance because someone else is a coward, bro code is useless, and I could be unknowingly losing the love of my life,” Jaehyun always says. He’s not that wrong, but he’s a bit wrong anyway.) and Johnny doesn’t want to be the next victim.

Second, imagining Jaehyun and Renjun together is, simply put, vomit-inducing. It’s not because they would be a gross couple, but because the idea makes Johnny feel so devastated that his anxiety goes straight to his digestive system and he feels like puking his whole advantage.

The only advantage of this situation is that Johnny doesn’t have to express his thoughts out loud. His face speaks for him, so Jaehyun shakes his head and drowns his face on the mattress, tired of Johnny’s attitude. On the contrary, Ten draws a smile to soothe him, pure pity in his gaze.

“Maybe you should ask him on a date,” Ten proposes, like that’s not a completely insane idea.

Johnny should have guessed that would be their solution: ask Renjun on a date. If Renjun rejects him, Johnny won’t be losing anything since their relationship is basic and dull right now. But that’s the catch that his friends don’t understand: Johnny feels ecstatic when Renjun grins at him, when he laughs at one of his bad economy jokes, or when he merely flickers up his attentive dark eyes from the notes to him.

It’s not dull, not for Johnny at least. A rejection is very plausible given that, like Jaehyun has said, Renjun turns head, and there’s no reason for him to waste his time on a stressed senior that, on top of that, is friends with his cousin. It’s an unnecessary risk, trouble and effort.

“That’s so stupid,” Johnny mumbles, not sure whether he wants his friends to have an opinion on this or not. “He’s never showed interest in me and I’ve been tutoring him for months.”

Jaehyun releases an exasperated sigh. “No offense, but you’re probably too whipped to read _emotions_ when he’s around you.”

“I have to agree, sorry,” Ten decides.

“I can’t ask him on a date, that’s just-”

Scary. Exciting. Emotionally destabilizing. All the range of feelings that a senior shouldn’t have to add to the load of work.

“God,” Jaehyun complains, but this time it’s not just a complaint. There’s a certain tone of enthusiasm there, the same tone he uses before jumping into an awful idea and dragging everyone along. He sits on the edge of the bed, his blond hair getting into his eyes, and confronts Johnny. “I think I know what the problem is. You don’t really hang out with Renjun outside the tutoring. What’s the biggest thing you’ve done together, go for coffee while he asks you about supply and demand?”

The accuracy of such guess pierces through Johnny, who just winces at the question. That’s enough of a confirmation for Jaehyun and Ten.

With a determination that would terrorize any man, Jaehyun turns to Ten. “You know what I mean, right?”

And to Johnny’s disgrace, Ten does.

“Donghyuck,” he answers, like he’s pronouncing the secret password to a fantasy world. And it is, in a way, because Donghyuck’s world isn’t Johnny’s, just oil and water in the same glass. Ten decides for all of them, taking a deep breath, and announces, “We’re going to one of his parties.”

Maybe, just maybe, that’s when Johnny’s demise starts spiraling down without stop.

“What would I do without you?”

It’s just a rhetorical, innocent question.

Johnny wouldn’t think anything of it if it came from Ten, from Jaehyun, or from any of his friends. But it’s Renjun who asks, completely serious, his voice almost a lamenting sigh. Until now, Johnny hasn’t been aware of how much of a bad idea was to move to the couch to tutor Renjun, because now he’s cutely bundled up next to him, way too close for Johnny to breathe normally, and his question goes straight down to his pants.

The living room is on flames. Renjun moves sometimes, his knee resting over Johnny’s thigh, and Johnny is as tense as a fifteen-year-old that has never been alone with his crush. It doesn’t help that Renjun looks especially pretty today, since he came to Johnny’s dorm directly from an oral presentation. He’s wearing a white shirt that marks every curve of his body, his tie is undone – he asked Johnny to loosen it, which almost killed him for real, and Johnny should have dialed 911 before starting – and his black pants are awfully efficient at clinging to the shape of his thighs. Johnny totally didn’t check his ass when Renjun stepped into the dorm.

And the nose ring is still there, of course, a contrast with the formal attire that Johnny tries to pointedly ignore. It’s all too much, and _too good_.

“Probably you’d study on the weekends instead of depending on me,” Johnny jokes. It’s a joke, but he would sell his soul just not to have Renjun on his couch right now, legs touching, and that soft perfume of lilies in the air that is hypnotizing him. “But you can’t have it all, right?”

Renjun laughs at that, eyes lined up in pretty half moons. It takes Johnny a moment to realize that he has just sputtered his inner thoughts, and Renjun is too smart not to recognize a compliment.

“I like depending on you, hyung,” Renjun whispers, a little too low for Johnny’s sanity. It’s hard to resist the urge of looking into Renjun’s eyes, but as soon as Johnny does, he realizes it’s a mistake. Renjun bites his lower lip, observant, and says, “You look worried. Is everything okay?”

Nothing is okay. Johnny’s heart shouldn’t beat this fast just for a boy. His palms shouldn’t be sweating, cold and warm at the same time, and he shouldn’t feel so nervous just because Renjun has never been this physically close to him. Johnny is torn between teaching him a lesson or just enjoying this, because Renjun is too pretty, and he should keep the distance with people if he doesn’t want them to mistake it for-

“Yes,” Johnny exhales, sharp. “Don’t worry about it.”

But Renjun worries. He scoots closer until there’s no real distance between them, raises his arm and sets it on the back of the couch, dangerously close to Johnny’s shoulders. That’s not his biggest problem: if it felt intimate before, now that Renjun is pressed against his side and his leg, Johnny is sure he’ll be hard in ten seconds. One, two, three- For how long has he gone without touching anyone? Four months? That could be his excuse.

Okay. So maybe he has the hots for Renjun. Not a crush, he won’t go that far.

“I’m a good listener,” Renjun tells him, his gaze sparking with everything except naivety. Johnny doesn’t remember what they’re talking about anymore, because Renjun smells like heaven and his lips are so red, and _shit_ , he’s looking at his lips. “And discreet.”

Johnny tries to scoff at that, but instead he lets out a strained noise that will be chasing him in his most embarrassing nightmares for the rest of his life. He already has to be dreaming, though. There’s no way Renjun is making advances on him, it’s just Johnny misinterpreting his kindness.

“That’s really sweet of you,” Johnny thanks him, but it’s also a clear rejection.

This is how this relationship works: Johnny helps Renjun, not the other way around. Johnny doesn’t depend emotionally on someone four years younger that, on top of that, he’s supposed to be taking care of.

When Johnny dares to glance at Renjun again, his semblance is unreadable. His eyebrows are raised, but Johnny can’t tell if he’s amused, offended or angry.

“That one is new. Me, sweet,” he retorts. And then, like a sentence, his hand falls on Johnny’s thigh. The worst part is that Johnny visibly startles, looks down at his lap just to confirm that yes, Renjun is touching his thigh, and not in the most innocent way. “Ten told me you’re coming to the party this weekend.”

Johnny reminds himself that this might be his dirty mind. He shouldn’t tarnish Renjun’s image with his own desperate thoughts, and if Renjun is digging his fingertips in his inner thighs a little bit too hard, well, that’s just a coincidence.

“Yeah, they insisted,” Johnny manages to utter. To his relief, Renjun smiles again, but then Johnny realizes that he’s just seeing lips and teeth and that means he hasn’t managed to take off his eyes from Renjun’s mouth. Maybe Renjun isn’t smiling, but laughing at him. “It’s not the best idea because I should be studying but-”

“No, no,” Renjun cuts him off, shaking his head. He squeezes Johnny’s thigh, which is meant to comfort him, he supposes, but it just sends a lot of blood to his groin. He isn’t half hard, is he? “Your mind needs rest, you know? I’m sure I can take your mind off your thesis for a couple of hours.”

Johnny stares at Renjun in shock, because no matter how much he tries to convince himself that Renjun is oblivious of his suffering, that remark had to be intentional. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“When is the last time you had fun? _Honestly_.” Renjun shifts on the couch and withdraws his hand at last, the first sign of peace that allows Johnny to breathe again. His brain starts working, but it’s too late to answer Renjun, since he has taken his silence as a confirmation of his boring life. And there they are: pleading eyes creeping up on Johnny, as though Renjun thinks this is his last weapon to bring Johnny to a party. “I know you must think we’re just a bunch of stupid airheads but Donghyuck’s parties are pretty fun.”

Johnny feels his mouth go dry.

“I don’t think you are-”

“I’m not,” Renjun says, very serious. Johnny recognizes that Donghyuck is a bit of an airhead to him, but he’s also a dangerous one. That’s one of the reasons he doesn’t understand why Renjun is friends with him: Johnny can’t pinpoint what they have in common. “You keep looking at my nose ring. Does it bother you?” He grins, licks his lips, and whispers, “Don’t you think it’s pretty?”

The change of topic takes Johnny off guard, but Renjun knows what he’s doing. Pointing out that he can notice where Johnny’s attention is on is a subtle way of informing him that he’s not stupid. That he’s catching the long glances Johnny is granting his lips too. That’s he’s younger, not naïve, and Johnny should be more discreet if he doesn’t want Renjun to notice that his mind is far away from the lesson by now.

And then the Explosion happens, bursts in front of Johnny and inside him _and_ around him.

One smirk, gaze flickering down to Johnny’s mouth, and Renjun adds, “Sexy?”

Renjun is _playing_ with him, like one of those leopards that make their victims tumble down a couple of times before sinking their teeth in. There’s no other explanation. Renjun is a fucking leopard. Johnny has been too obvious, and he can blame it to all the bullshit Ten and Jaehyun have filled his head with; Renjun is taking advantage of that weakness to have some fun.

“Renjun,” Johnny warns him, moving away. Confusion strikes in Renjun’s eyes right away, and as realization settles, Renjun seems to remember that this is a tutoring session. “I- I think our time is up.”

Johnny hates himself a bit for it. But he’s had his share of hook-ups in university, and even though Renjun must be now at that phase, Johnny knows that’s not what he wants anymore. His _crazy_ years are gone. He’s not going to cave into this whim, stick his dick into places it shouldn’t be in, and then sulk for months because Renjun doesn’t want to date him.

“Thank you, hyung,” Renjun answers, bolting out to fetch his folders and push them into his bag. This rush isn’t proper of him, and neither is the disarrangement of his folders as he forces them into his bag, but Johnny is no one to judge. He would run away too; in fact, he’d run away if this wasn’t his dorm. Renjun doesn’t even glance at him when he adds, “You were very helpful.”

If Renjun closes the door a bit too hard as he storms out, no one has to know.

Johnny doesn’t sleep that night, but he doesn’t sleep the next either, or the night after that.

It shouldn’t be that big of a deal. He has only one lesson with Renjun per week, so if Renjun doesn’t answer his texts to prepare the next class, it’s because he must have a busy schedule. Renjun has his own life to take care of. There’s no rush, they still have time, and Johnny isn’t a priority – they’re not _friends_.

Johnny is a natural overthinker, however, and it’s pretty difficult to convince himself that he hasn’t been rude and insensitive to Renjun. Even if what happened between them was real and not a product of his imagination, Johnny is sure that Renjun wouldn’t hold it against him, that he wouldn’t get angry just because Johnny didn’t have enough tact to push him away.

At least that’s what he tells himself. That is, until Donghyuck comes into the picture.

Since they share the same major, Johnny is used to spotting Renjun around his faculty, and it’s inevitable that he catches glimpses of him every day, though Renjun seems to be quite absent these days. But it’s not normal that Donghyuck, who is a psychology major, drops by their faculty. No matter how close Renjun and Donghyuck are, Renjun always eats and hangs out with his classmates between classes, and Donghyuck hasn’t set foot in their faculty in the whole school year.

It’s not a good omen that Donghyuck shows up at their cafeteria that same week, an arm around Renjun’s waist and accompanied by two guys that Johnny has briefly seen on Renjun’s feed. Jeno and Yukhei. The first is an angel, Johnny has been told, and he knows that Renjun studies with him from time to time; but Yukhei is Donghyuck’s best friend, and seeing the two of them together is terrible.

Johnny tries not to stare at them, but he gets caught right away. There’s a disturbing reason for that: before Johnny can even recognize them, Donghyuck already has his sharp gaze fixed on him. That’s enough for Johnny to look away, a strange gut feeling that he’s never experienced before – the rush of adrenaline that people must feel in a near-death situation, he’s certain.

Johnny nervously shifts his attention to Jaehyun and Ten, who are arguing over who left the door of their room open this morning, just to discover that both of them have caught on with the situation. In the time Johnny takes to put a façade on, their bickering has died down.

Unlike Johnny, Ten and Jaehyun aren’t afraid of Lee Donghyuck. Johnny is grateful that Renjun and his friends choose a table behind his back, because that way he’s free to live in ignorance – he doesn’t have to know if they’re blatantly staring at them, just like Ten and Jaehyun are doing, and he doesn’t have to greet Renjun and pretend that he knows how to act after the other day.

It’s ridiculous. In fact, ridiculous doesn’t even describe the fatality of Johnny acting like a teenager, as though he hasn’t faced worse situations – rejecting hook-ups after one night stands, confessing to a friend who didn’t return his feelings, falling off the stairs of the faculty on his first day as a freshman.

Johnny has no idea of how he’s going to get over this one. Both the boy and the situation.

“What did you do?” Jaehyun asks him in a plain, soulless tone.

Johnny knew it was a matter of time until the blame was redirected at him, so he’s not surprised at the question.

“I didn’t do anything,” Johnny protests, lowering his gaze to focus on his food.

Neither of his friends believes that. It’s been a couple of years of dealing with Johnny’s bullshit, which is a considerable amount; that, added to the fact that Ten is a human polygraph, turns Johnny into the bull’s eye of their scrutiny.

“Donghyuck is looking at you like he’s disposed to stab you with a knife,” Ten states, very slowly, like they’re talking about a wild creature that might overhear them. It’s a warning for Johnny to not spin around too, though he didn’t intend to do so in the first place. “What happened?”

Perhaps it will do Johnny some good to share his paranoia. Perhaps it’s the key to confirm that he’s building awful fantasies in his head and worrying over an incident that never happened, so he decides to give it a try.

“I think I offended Renjun the other day,” Johnny admits at last, placing both hands on the table, appetite lost.

It’s almost comical how Ten and Jaehyun lift their eyebrows at the same time. Johnny feels a bit uncomfortable, because if that’s the reaction he gets with that generic explanation, he can’t imagine their protests once he explains what he did.

“Define _offended_ ,” Ten ushers him, narrowing his eyes at him in mistrust.

There’s no going back. Johnny describes the last lesson with all the objectivity he’s capable of – he tries not to give his own opinion, but he can’t help but insinuate that he was reading Renjun’s intentions wrong. He speaks about Renjun touching him, about Renjun asking if his nose ring is sexy, about how he could help Johnny to relax.

And the more Johnny speaks, the more embarrassed he is. He deserves the shameful incredulity that expands on his friends’ faces, the significant glances they exchange, and the air of general rage that Johnny is surrounded by. If Donghyuck is mad, then Ten and Jaehyun are furious.

“I just got nervous, okay?” Johnny excuses himself. That’s the truth. Renjun could breathe in his direction and he would be trembling within seconds, but Johnny swears it’s because of that damn _sexy_ piercing. “He was so close and I was about to fuck _everything_ up.”

Ten opens his mouth several times, clear proof that he’s trying not to destroy Johnny with one verbal blow, and settles for, “What’s everything? The imaginary relationship you two have?”

“You’re blind, aren’t you?” Jaehyun supports Ten, resignation in his voice. “You could have gotten a blowjob at worst. But you managed to make it even worse and got nothing.”

Johnny should be touched that his friends are so concerned over him getting laid, but at this point he just wants to apologize to Renjun. He doesn’t know what he’s going to apologize for. For wanting to bone him? For not actually boning him? His whole life is a joke, really.

“No wonder Donghyuck wants to murder you,” Ten says, but there’s a little smile there, as though being Donghyuck’s enemy is a laughing matter. “The boy exposed himself and you couldn’t even properly reject him. You could have told him that you weren’t ready, that you weren’t in the mood, anything.”

Johnny grunts at that, frustration prickling at his patience, and sinks his face in his palms. All the pieces fit now: for some reason, yes, Renjun was trying to get into his pants. Or at least he was trying to let Johnny know that he was up for it. It seems like a stupid idea, to be honest, and Johnny doesn’t understand why in the world Renjun would be interested in him, but he is.

Johnny wasn’t the most tactful, was he? He just acted like Renjun was harassing him, his nervousness easily misinterpreted by a poor Renjun who had been brave enough to hit on him. And it’s not his fault. It’s Johnny’s fault. Whether he likes it or not, that nose ring awakened latent dangerous thoughts, so of course Renjun would notice, would assume that those were the signals he was waiting for.

Just a few days ago Johnny had only one problem: he liked Renjun. Now apart from the fact that he’s whipped for a pretty boy that he has unwillingly rejected, he has one of the worst problems he could ever encounter: Donghyuck _knows_.

Eventually, Renjun answers his texts to confirm the next lesson, but his response is so dry and short, so _formal_ that Johnny decides one thing: he doesn’t want to go to the damn party.

That might make him a coward, but at this point of his life he doesn’t care anymore. It’s Donghyuck’s party, and if Renjun isn’t on good terms with him, then Johnny is probably not welcomed into that hell frat house.

“It’s your chance to talk to Renjun,” Ten reminds him when Johnny announces that he’s passing on the party.

Per Johnny’s request, Ten sits with him in a coffee shop full of students with their laptops and their books spread all over the place, and buys a dose of caffeine for Johnny. That conditions Johnny to not be rude to him; Ten is indulging him in many ways, maybe because he has spotted the dark circles under his eyes, or just because he perceives that Johnny feels worse than he lets on.

After a few days without communicating with Renjun, Johnny can’t deny this to himself anymore. Renjun is hot, but that’s not the point. The point is that Johnny has a clear, irrevocable crush on him.

He could absolutely not have seen that coming.

“He probably thinks you’re not going, that boy knows you so well that it’s kind of scary,” Ten continues, pushing Johnny’s expresso over the table. Johnny doesn’t hesitate to sip on it, unashamed that he can find some sanity in caffeine, and Ten sighs. “Showing up is showing that you care.”

Johnny grunts, “You sound like a motivational course to improve my life.”

It’s the wrong retort, since Ten glowers at him. “Fine, look at it from this other perspective,” he chirps with an artificial smile that is far from nice, just plain creepy. That’s how Johnny knows that Ten is about to lecture him or to pulverize any plan he had to avoid Renjun like the plague. “If Sicheng gets wind of you hurting Renjun’s feelings, you’re dead. Even if you don’t intend to date him – which I won’t believe, so don’t even try – you have to tell him that you’re sorry for not acknowledging what happened during the tutoring.”

This is the reason Johnny asks for help only when it’s his last solution. Ten is right. He always is. And the most impactful discovery for Johnny is that he doesn’t give a fuck about whether Sicheng will murder him or not, but he’s truly stressed over Renjun’s feelings. Not his feelings towards him, but his feelings in general.

Johnny might be in too deep.

“Alright,” Johnny exhales in the end, his gaze roaming around the coffee shop as though Renjun could appear at any moment. “We’re going to the party, but just because I owe him an apology, and if the party is shit-”

Ten rolls his eyes, “It won’t be.”

“If the party is shit,” Johnny repeats, lifting his hand to quiet Ten. Ten seems to catch the drift in his tone, but he doesn’t notice that Johnny is terrified; Renjun doesn’t have to accept his apology, and if that happens, then Johnny will be drowning in alcohol, but not at the party. “I won’t stay.”

Judging the triumph in Ten’s gaze, his statement might be useless in a few hours, once Johnny has swallowed the first round of booze and Jaehyun and Ten’s ideas start making sense in his brain. It doesn’t matter, because Johnny has announced his intentions, and betraying him is in Ten’s hands.

But Ten just shrugs and accepts, “Whatever you want, buzzkiller.”

After all, getting drunk is the last issue on his mind.

“This is proof you’ve given up on life,” Jaehyun sentences for him, tugging at his jacket like it’s made of pure dirt.

Johnny knew that he would get this reaction, and he knew that Ten and Jaehyun would be excessively dressed up for a university party, but he doesn’t mind standing out as long as he’s comfortable. Since he’s just going to go into Donghyuck’s frat house, apologize and then walk out, his jeans and his bomber jacket are enough of an effort. If it depended on him, he’d attend the party with a jumper and his jogging pants, so Jaehyun should be grateful.

Besides, there’s no point in trying to impress Renjun with such superficial details. He’s seen the best, but also the worst.

“Did I ever say I haven’t?” Johnny merrily retorts.

Ten snickers at that, which is the confirmation that Jaehyun has lost this battle, so Jaehyun just pushes him to walk faster. It’s almost midnight, and freshmen usually go to parties embarrassingly early, so by now most students will be too drunk to make out his clothes apart.

Ten slings an arm around Jaehyun’s waist and demands, “Stop bickering. You’re just making him more nervous.”

Johnny wishes he could deny that, but the parade of nervousness taking place in his stomach fulminates his attempt. It’s even worse because he has a tutoring session with Renjun tomorrow, so if he fucks this up, he’ll have to deal with it tomorrow. It’s not hit and run.

Stepping into the frat house is similar to travelling to the past – to his dark past. Johnny clutches the back of Ten’s t-shirt as the three of them walk through the multitude, and to Johnny’s surprise, there are familiar faces. He swears they cross paths with Taeyong and Yuta twice, and that Doyoung is making out with a guy by the stairs, but Johnny should have suspected this would be the type of party they would like.

It’s not just Donghyuck’s party, though the majority of his circle of friends is here. But Johnny can’t find him, and as he drowns that tinge of panic blooming in his chest, he realizes that he can’t find Renjun either. It’s an insane possibility, but Johnny wonders if Renjun is so mad at him that he would ditch one of Donghyuck’s parties just not to run into him.

At least he wouldn’t be the only one pathetic human in this relationship.

“Gonna grab us some drinks,” Jaehyun announces, clasping his hands together.

“Wait, that’s not-”

Before Johnny can finish, Jaehyun has already mingled with the multitude. Ten laughs at his expression of defeat and points out, “He needs to relax too, let him be.”

“I just don’t want to end up with my head in the toilet tonight,” Johnny reminds him. Even now the idea is appealing, because there’s nothing like getting wasted to forget his problems for a night. And that’s the danger: if he’s tempted while he’s still sober, he won’t be able to control himself after a couple of drinks. “But go ahead, have fun.”

Ten sends him a slanted smirk, but doesn’t listen to his wishes. Johnny is familiar with the meaning of that expression, so he allows Ten to drag him around for a few minutes, until he chats up two guys that they’ve never seen in their life. Johnny can do small talk without trouble, but his attention is elsewhere, his eyes studying their surroundings as though Renjun will pop up from nowhere and scream at him for being an asshole.

But Renjun isn’t there, and Johnny’s nightmares are definitely affecting his sense of reality. Johnny accepts the drink Jaehyun brings for him, resigned, and decides that _fuck it_. If Renjun wasn’t in the mood for a party tonight, then maybe the best outcome for them is to discuss their issues when they’re alone, safe and calm in Johnny’s dorm.

Johnny doesn’t believe in destiny, but it’s funny how his sudden determination is meant to vanish. He has that hunch beating inside him, and when he swallows his drink in one go and lifts his gaze again, he finds the omen of disgrace on Jaehyun’s face.

Jaehyun isn’t very subtle either. He grips Ten’s arm with so much force that Ten almost drops his red cup, eyes wide and pupils blown over, and points with his chin to a spot behind Johnny.

“What the fuck is it?” Johnny asks him over the music.

Judging Ten’s reaction, Johnny doesn’t want to turn around. Both of his friends are frozen, staring like they’ve seen a murder – in fact, Johnny is sure they could snatch a role in a horror movie just with those faces.

And then Ten gathers enough strength to look away, right into Johnny’s eyes, and croaks out, “I’m not sure what a good friend has to do in this situation.”

The translation of that is: _I don’t want you to know this, but you have to know this_.

Since Johnny has always had a tendency to walk into self-destruction if put under the right amount of pressure, he twirls on his heels. The party moves around him in slow motion, his heart beating so fast that he might need to get a check-up if he doesn’t want to die soon.

It’s terribly easy to spot Renjun, perhaps because Johnny is used to looking for him in crowds, around the faculty, because he’s like his small addiction and Johnny has been bearing with his withdrawals for days. Johnny has been refusing to acknowledge all this, but when he processes what Renjun is doing, the stabbing pain in his chest is the final proof that he’s permanently fucked.

Renjun is on the couch from the other side of the living room, and of course Johnny hasn’t spotted him before, because everyone else is standing and he’s small enough to hide behind the multitude. He’s not alone. Donghyuck is next to him, one hand on his hip and the other behind his head, guiding Renjun into the perfect angle for him to shove his tongue into Renjun’s mouth.

Johnny feels like puking. Not because it’s disgusting; on the contrary, he sees Renjun kiss another boy, how he’s lazily running his hand over Donghyuck’s chest, the fact that he’s definitely a _great kisser_ , and all the blood in his brain runs south.

It’s just a couple of seconds, maybe five, maybe ten, but then Johnny returns to his friends and feels like he has been staring for half of his life. It feels so wrong that Renjun is making out with Donghyuck, so damn wrong, that his delusion slips a tiny thought into his mind about how this is just Renjun taking revenge on him.

But that doesn’t make any sense: Renjun has no idea that Johnny is gone for him.

“Hey, hey!” Jaehyun calls him, the ends of his eyebrows turned down in pity. It’s obvious that he’s assuming Johnny is beyond heartbroken right now, and that might be true, but Johnny hasn’t rummaged into his feelings yet. “You don’t have to worry about that. They’re not dating.”

Now that is absurd.

“How would you know that?” Johnny spits at him, indignant.

His boy is eating Donghyuck’s face and this is Jaehyun’s attempt at consoling him: lying. Jaehyun doesn’t seem to understand why Johnny is so harsh on him, why he can’t follow his peaceful, hippie logic.

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Jaehyun explains, innocently blinking at him. “Donghyuck makes out with a lot of people.”

Donghyuck is Donghyuck, and Renjun isn’t the same breed of a man. He’s responsible, cute, and decent, or that’s what Johnny has been telling himself to justify that he could ignore Sicheng’s request to watch him.

That’s the reason Johnny reluctantly grumbles, “But Renjun doesn’t.”

Johnny has no idea why Jaehyun smiles at that. Even if Johnny is wrong, Jaehyun should be considerate enough to care for his feelings right now. It’s not every day one has to witness how their crush has fun with a boy that is terror on legs.

Ten gulps down, and sighs, “Johnny, babe, I think that might not be the case.”

This time Johnny doesn’t hesitate to find out what the hell that means, though it turns out it’s the perfect moment to think twice before acting.

Yes, Donghyuck makes out with a lot of people, but he’s not the only one on it tonight. Johnny was too focused on Renjun and Donghyuck’s faces to spot the other boy next to Renjun. Donghyuck has moved onto Renjun’s neck, which is quite a lewd move to show it in public, but that’s the last of Johnny’s problems right now. Renjun has pulled the other boy into a kiss, and if there was something disturbingly shameless about Donghyuck’s attitude, this new boy wins over him by miles.

He might have set a new record, even.

“Isn’t that Na Jaemin-” Ten mutters, swinging to the side and straining his neck to take a better look.

To Johnny’s disgrace, that’s Na Jaemin. A physics major that half of them know just because he managed to pull them into bed with him; not Johnny, because he’s been desperately centered on Renjun the whole year, but his friends are tragic victims of his game.

Johnny feels like crying out of despair.

“That’s it,” he announces, lifting his head as though he’s not about to faint. There’s a limit of bad news a human can receive in one day, and Johnny is close to hitting it. “I’m going to talk to him.”

“What?” Ten says, confused.

Jaehyun gasps, gawks at Ten and scream whispers, “He’s finally lost it.”

Johnny doesn’t need them to understand this, but a wave of rage takes over him, a wave that is born from the awful amount of time he has spent thinking about Renjun. Agonizing over him, over his own mistakes, over if Renjun was also sulking because Johnny had been heartless and cold.

This isn’t a romantic movie, however, and Johnny’s love interest is just planning to do a threesome tonight. Probably.

“He has the nerve to ignore me and act all hurt because I didn’t play along,” Johnny breathes out without stop, scrunching his nose like that will stop Ten and Jaehyun from contradicting him, “And then he goes and sucks mouth with several boys in a party he knew I’d attend?”

Johnny knows that his reasoning is flawless, and though he doesn’t expect to be this successful, Ten and Jaehyun are speechless at his logic. Johnny supposes that this is partly his fault, however, for falling for someone that obviously doesn’t have as much experience and thinks that making out with Donghyuck is fine. Of course Renjun’s strategy is to avoid confrontation and find consolation elsewhere.

God, Johnny might have pushed him into Donghyuck and Jaemin’s arms. He’s a _monster_.

Before they can rebut him, Johnny is already striding towards Renjun. He admits that his determination falters as the distance shortens, but it’s just the natural consequence of seeing Renjun from up-close. He looks so pretty too, and it’s almost like Johnny always forgets how breathtaking he is.

Thus it’s no surprise that his strength dwindles once he stands up in front of the trio. They’re still making out, so absorbed into their own joy that they can’t notice someone standing inches away from him.

It’s so much worse to witness this with no distance to protect him, and Johnny’s voice is just a thin sound when he grumbles, “Hey, Renjun.”

Renjun startles so hard that he hits Jaemin’s nose with his forehead and then hits Donghyuck’s head with his chin. They kind of deserve it, and Johnny revels in their pain for a few seconds, until he finds Renjun’s horrified stare set on him.

Johnny’s consolation is that, if Renjun is so embarrassed and afraid, it’s because he cares. But that’s all they do: stare at each other in a silent conversation, all their cards laid out on the table. That doesn’t make it easier.

Donghyuck lifts his head, rubbing his chin and hissing, and a smile spreads on his lips as soon as he recognizes Johnny.

“Look who came!” he exclaims, sinking his elbow in Renjun’s side with so much force that Renjun outright screams. “Your man.”

Johnny isn’t sure who blushes harder, if Renjun or him.

“Hyung,” Renjun whispers. Johnny reads his lips, but he can’t hear him over the music. Renjun does that a lot: talk to himself, speak without expecting to be heard. “You’re here.”

Johnny hates that even in a moment like this, he finds Renjun cute.

“Yeah, surprise,” he breathes out, ignoring the lewd looks Donghyuck and Jaemin are throwing at him. “Can we talk?”

Those three cursed words do nothing but frighten Renjun further. The sad veil that tints his eyes is the confirmation that Johnny won't be able to reproach him anything, that he'll just end up apologizing and telling him to have fun with Donghyuck and Jaemin. He’s so, so undeserving of this boy, because Renjun deserves better than a man without any bravery.

"Yes, you can!" Donghyuck shouts, with an excitement that can't possibly bring anything positive to Johnny's life. He physically tries to help Renjun up, but Renjun is still in shock, immovable, and Donghyuck struggles. "Stand up, fool."

Johnny extends his hand for Renjun to take, and between him and the two demons that were making out with him, they manage to push Renjun onto his feet. Renjun's hand feels warm and small in his hold, and Johnny has a bad case of shivering when he realizes he has never even hold Renjun's hand.

The world is _that_ unfair.

Finding a calm spot in the middle of a party should be an odyssey, but Donghyuck gives them the key to his room and Johnny decides that it's better to talk in Donghyuck's room than outside. He forgets his own rule of not owning Donghyuck any favor, but Renjun deserves this exception. In fact, not getting punched in the face after kissing _his_ boy is the favor that Johnny is going to pay Donghyuck back with.

Only when they reach the room does Renjun let go of his hand, fumbling with the key because apparently the door needs an extra trick to be opened. Entering Donghyuck's room is like changing universes, but Johnny can't pay attention to the decoration of his room while he has Renjun with him – he shortly wonders if Renjun has been here before, though considering he knew how to open the door, that’s a stupid question.

Renjun sits on the edge of the bed, interlacing his hands on his lap, and timidly casts his gaze up to Johnny's face. Johnny drops next to him, his body feeling so heavy that he’s starting to suspect if his drink was spiked. That would justify all this shit. His feelings. Renjun's power.

“I can explain,” Renjun mumbles, a blush on his face that, without a doubt, comes from a shameful place.

Johnny knows that expression. It's the face Renjun pulls on him when he hasn't followed Johnny's teaching advice, when he has flunked a test, or when he has to ask the same question three times on a row. Sometimes it’s sincere, but sometimes it’s just the Renjun barrier puts up not to admit his mistakes.

It's a trap, and Johnny might be ridiculously whipped for this boy, but caving into his pretty pleading eyes isn't the solution.

“So you think you have to explain yourself,” Johnny replies.

Renjun blinks at him once, twice, studying him as though he fears Johnny will chide him, and then says, “We just do that pretty often.” Johnny doesn't want to know what that exactly means. Kissing? Fucking? With Donghyuck, with Jaemin, with both? Ignorance is a blessing. “But if you want to, I can stop-”

Johnny chokes on his own saliva, and then croaks out, “Do you want me to stop you?”

This whole situation is strange, Johnny reckons that. He would love it if Renjun stopped hooking up with his friends, but that's not the point, and Renjun doesn’t seem to understand how much this hurts him. Johnny wants him for himself, and he definitely doesn't want to share.

“Are you serious?" is all Johnny manages out, drowned in his own incredulity.

If Renjun's puppy eyes were deathly before, now they straight up kill Johnny with one blow. Or so he thinks, because the next blow is much bigger, and much more unexpected.

“Don’t you like me?” Renjun asks him, no trace of shame. His gaze is brimming with uncertainty, however, because he's brave enough to ask but not to accept a rejection. “I’m just- so confused. Sometimes I’m sure that you’re into me but then-"

Then Johnny is cold. Then he treats him like a stranger, reminding him that he's there to help him study, not to be his friend. Then he devours him with his eyes, from head to toe, and pretends that he never did it.

Johnny is going to hell for making such a nice person suffer.

His silence threatens Renjun's composure, and instead of waiting for an answer, Renjun starts rambling, "I know you must have been with a lot of people, a lot of boys? I don’t know if you like girls too. And I might not stand a chance with you because I don't have anything special to offer, plus I'm not that well-versed with actual relationships that aren't based on sex-" Renjun swallows, frowning at his own words, and still harbors enough courage to look into Johnny's eyes. "The thing is, I really like you, hyung, and I just want to know if I’m being stupid for thinking I have a chance."

Johnny promises he's not staring at Renjun's lips on purpose, but it takes him a great effort to draw his attention upwards. His heart is beating so fast that he can't hear the noise from the party anymore, and the only thought running in his mind is _shit, Renjun is confessing to me._

Johnny has fucked up his chances so many times that he can't afford another one. Not now. Ten and Jaehyun are right: he should have asked Renjun on a date long ago, without rollercoasters, without doubts and confusing games. Fuck Sicheng and his supervision. Renjun isn't an angel, that much is clear, but he's hot and nice and he's into Johnny. If that isn't a dream come true, then Johnny will give up on living.

Perhaps Johnny wants to lean forward and kiss Renjun without any explanation, but he grasps some sense of consideration in time. He makes an effort to hold Renjun’s hand, and he has a mini heart attack when Renjun responds with a squeeze so desperate that it feels like he's squeezing Johnny's heart. His hand is so tiny, too, Johnny just wants to give it a little kiss.

"Renjun," Johnny whispers, a placid smile tugging at his lips. It's so hard to order his thoughts, the amount of praise and embarrassing confessions that are secluded inside his head. "I think you're perfect. So perfect that I don't deserve you, and if I've been trying to set some distance between us, that’s because I'm afraid that I'm right."

An illogical fear washes over Johnny right away, because Renjun doesn't react at all, just stares at him with his lips parted, slightly panting. Johnny gives him his time to process his words, though he isn't sure whether Renjun is shocked at the compliments or at the mere fact that Johnny is so hooked on him that he's _scared_.

"You have to be kidding me," Renjun mutters, but the first attempt at smiling is there, battling all the stress plastered on his semblance. He runs a hand through his hair, inhaling, and shakes his head at Johnny. "Even Donghyuck thinks you're hot, and you're smart, responsible, and have enough self-control not to fuck your friend's cousin when he gets a bit annoying."

The smirk that blinds Johnny next is all he needs to realize that yes, Renjun was trying to get into his pants during the tutoring session. It wasn't just about some kisses and a bit of affection, but the whole package, and it's Johnny's turn to be shocked.

All the information that slips past Renjun's lips is beyond unbelievable, not to mention that Johnny can't understand why Renjun would find him hot and smart. Renjun is suffering a bad case of delusion too, but as long as they're in this together, it's a delusion they can share.

Johnny rubs Renjun's knuckles with his thumb, not sure if he's soothing Renjun or just himself. Renjun's skin is comforting, so warm, and so is his gaze. And though his smile disappears as he scoots closer, his contentment doesn't.

Johnny isn't ready for this, but if he's honest with himself, he's never going to be ready for Renjun.

"It was the damn piercing, you know?" Johnny mutters, glancing at the nose ring for a second. It's impossible to keep his focus there anymore, because Renjun is so close that Johnny just wants to stare at his lips, slightly swollen and wet from all the previous kissing. "That was what ended up breaking me."

But Johnny doesn't know how breaking truly feels like. He learns about it tonight, when Renjun cups one side of his face and leans in, mouth open and inviting. The way Renjun's lips mold against his mouth feels like a piece of paradise, and perhaps Johnny's world trembles under his feet, but Renjun holds him in place. He's so sweet, so tender, that it must be a hoax that his tongue licks over Johnny's lips with the right amount of pressure to make him kneel. Johnny obeys, though, moaning into Renjun’s mouth in relief.

And then there are fingers entangling in his hair, and Johnny's hands press around Renjun's waist, feeling the rushed movements of his ribs, his impatience. Johnny doesn't have time or power to stop Renjun, so he can just adapt when Renjun straddles him, shamelessly trying to push Johnny on his back.

Renjun is a dangerous mess, and that's the lesson Johnny receives now. Someone like Renjun definitely needs supervision, and Sicheng's warning makes a lot of sense now, with Renjun on his lap and his tongue in his mouth.

Renjun tends to be a bit crazy when he's far away from home, and Johnny is _so glad_ he does.

"Good show," a familiar voice shoots at them, a tiny piece of reality in their dream. Renjun parts from the kiss with a defeated groan, but unlike Johnny, he's not embarrassed that Donghyuck is standing by the door – probably after watching them for a few seconds. Donghyuck dedicates them a terrible smirk and announces, "But you said talking, not fucking, so get out of my room now."

Even though it's evident Renjun isn't going to contradict him, he takes his time to caress Johnny's hair and plant a sweet last peck on his lips. Donghyuck makes a disgruntled noise at the gesture, but Renjun just laughs out loud, so merry that Johnny feels that happiness rumbling inside him too.

When they walk out, it's Renjun who holds his hand, smiling up at him and ignoring Donghyuck’s comments. Johnny doesn’t care that Donghyuck glares at them when they kiss in the middle of the hall, because he’s too distracted, too endeared by how Renjun has to tiptoe to reach his mouth.

And over all, because Renjun smiles into the kiss, and Johnny knows that he won’t ever be able to run away from this. He doesn’t want to, either.

Johnny should have predicted this.

"Focus," he grunts at Renjun, tapping his head with one of his own pens.

Renjun has many talents, but the worst of them all is that he's capable of talking Johnny into anything. Once they started dating, that skill became much more effective, since he had more weapons to fire at him. That, and now that Johnny has had a taste of Renjun, he's way weaker than before.

That’s how they ended up on the couch again, though Johnny insisted at least five times that it wouldn’t do them any good to study there. Renjun knew that, however. He just didn’t want to follow the lesson.

Renjun casts him an innocent glance, repressing a smile, and assures him, "I'm focused."

Of course he's focused, but not on the lesson. He has spent at least the last fifteen minutes staring at Johnny with sparkling eyes and not listening to a single word he said. Johnny would have noticed his distraction even months ago, since he had to teach him concentration tricks at the beginning of the year, but now Renjun doesn't bother to hide it.

Besides, Rejun’s attention is making him _nervous_.

"I think we'll start having the sessions at the study booths in the library," Johnny threatens him, hoping that will change Renjun’s mind. Renjun must assume that's him accepting his loss, so he immediately slants forward for a kiss. Johnny laughs, flicks Renjun's forehead as a punishment, and complains, "This is impossible."

Renjun counterattacks with a pout, but Johnny purposely glances away, aware that he won’t be able to bear it without surrendering. He hears Renjun snicker, which is never a good sign, but Johnny has learned to adapt to the sudden changes of heart of his boyfriend.

"It's because you're no fun," Renjun shoots at him. He latches onto Johnny’s side, and though Johnny considers himself pretty strong, it’s true that he has no excuse to shoo him away. Renjun knows that, so he burrows his own place under Johnny’s arm, leaning on his chest, and then dedicates him a triumphant smile. "We can relax first and then study."

Johnny closes his eyes and inhales for some patience. Renjun has roped him into this before, and they’re not going to study once Renjun has succeeded; in fact, the most likely ending is that he will press a sweet peck on his lips, put on his clothes, and escape before Johnny can pronounce the word _economy_.

“You always fall asleep afterwards,” Johnny accuses him, threading his fingers in Renjun’s hair.

Renjun hums at his caresses, one hand travelling to Johnny’s abdomen to return the favor. "I think I’ll have to get more piercings,” Renjun whispers, pretending to consider his own idea. His gaze studies every single gesture on Johnny’s expression, as though he’s looking for something there. “You’re becoming immune.”

That’s terrible. If Johnny lets that happen, he’ll have to say goodbye to his last piece of sanity, and he’s sure it’s better to lose another lesson than welcoming Renjun next morning with a piercing in his lips or in his eyebrow. Or worse, discover a new piercing hidden under his clothes.

Renjun is always betting to win, and that’s why, when Johnny leans down for a kiss, Renjun is already smiling. But Johnny loves kissing him this way, when he’s playful, when he’s happy, and after all, he knows the right buttons to turn that smile into a plea.

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/renjucas)   
>  [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/berryboys)   
> 


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